I love vampire stuff - Buffy? I'm there with bells on. The Lost Boys? Hell yeah! Interview? Uh huh. 30 days of night? Scary vampires - at last!

So you see, I'm down with the blood suckers, but Twilight has killed the vampire genre DEAD!

I read the first book - it was a page-turner and I could see the appeal. I got into full Dawson's Creek angsty teen mode. Then I found out about the ram-it-down-your-throat moral message and was turned off the Twilight thing. Then I read book two and just couldn't bear the poor writing any longer. I enjoyed the movie, but what a can of worms the Twilight phenomena has opened.

I have vampire fatigue.

Yes, that's right...ME!!? How could this happen?

Basically, the men in suits have discovered vampires and they're rubbing their hands in glee. Imagine Liza Minelli and Joel Gray singing, "money, money, money..." and you get the idea.

Now we have to endure an endless stream of shit, SHIIIIIT vampire TV shows and movies of books.

Moonlight - a rehash of every idea Joss Whedon ever had. But with bad writing, bad acting and poor production.

Demons - on ITV in the UK - beyond terrible. Buffy with a boy from Manchester - apart from not getting the whole point of Buffy being a girl, the show was just abysmal. No redeeming features.

Then there's Blood Ties or whatever in the US - I haven't seen it, but I'm not holding my breath judging by reviews I've read.

And we've got another three Twilight movies to go - if book two is anything to go by, I think I may have lost all interest seeing as Bella is the lamest female character to grace a page for many a year.

I'm skirting round True Blood because it's written by the people who did Six Feet Under, so I'm thinking it's got to be genius. Saving up for the DVD of season 1.

However vampires need to:

Stop being able to walk in sunlight
Get over their namby pamby aversion to killing people
Become scary again
Forget falling in love with humans and get with the prince of darkness gig

I love Joss Whedon he is a writing superstar - nobody does story arcs like him - but he's created a generation of vampire writers who have lost the heart of what it was all about. Tolkein spawned a generation of Tolkein-alikes simultaneously creating and killing fantasy and Joss has done the same.

Vampires have become too common to be cool - enough with the vampires already. Let them return to the dark so crap writers can flog something else to death and back again.

Everyone's racing to find the next Twilight, but the headline is the vampire thing is over, so take your furrowed brow and do one will ya!